Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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