Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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