After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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