Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
