Say something about gay babies.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize