youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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