I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
