the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
