I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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