"it" just moved
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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