Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Who died my cat blue again?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
