I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
