pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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