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I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
