I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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