cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
