The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
