I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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