dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
