im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
