I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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