if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
