as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize