im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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