Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
