Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
