to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
