I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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