Pappa wants mamma naked
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
