woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
