i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
