There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
