Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
