You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
then he tried to convert me to islam
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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