Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
