does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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