You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
