she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
