she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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