Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
