Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
