I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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