Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize