cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
