Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We named our party play list daddy issues
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
