During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
