Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize