no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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