I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
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