it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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