She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
third nipple confirmed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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