I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
