Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
