3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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