This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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