I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize