Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you made out with another girl for some wings
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
