Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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