I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
