I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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