Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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