my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize