His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
