Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
