And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
