So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
