theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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