You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
