sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
