Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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