I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
