So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
