I need help removing her.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am naked and annoyed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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