I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
