Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
