There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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