Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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