Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
