You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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