is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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