If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
