My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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