i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
