I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
